The Unwanted
by Historyexplorer12
Summary: Darius steals Hephaestion away at night after learning the man can concieve and bear children, and Darius is desperate for a son. Disclaimer: Alex, Phai, and Darius belong to history & Oliver Stone Warnings: non-con, swearing, mpreg, childbirth, slash, OC, kidnapping
1. Chapter 1

Alexander came back to his tent after doing the last rounds of the camp for the night to find Hephaestion already asleep on their shared cot. He smiled as he watched his love sleep peacefully, his long hair spread over his pillow as he breathed easily. Since the onset of manhood at fifteen, Hephaestion had been able to ovulate and bleed like a woman, much to the confusion and shock of the many doctors that had come from across the land to see him when it was first discovered, all of them spurred on by Hephaestion's father's handsome pay to them all.

The cause of the oddity had never been discovered. Nevertheless, Alexander had always been there to massage away the worst of the cramps, clean the bed of blood stains, hold Hephaestion's hair as he vomited, wipe away the tears, take the brunt of his anger, or cuddle when fatigue overtook Hephaestion's body, as it seemed to have done as of late.

Alexander eased under the covers, trying his hardest not to wake his exhausted lover.

"Xander?" Hephaestion's voice, filled with sleep, broke the silence, "Xander, is that you?"

"Hush, I am here, my Love. Is there anything you need? A new cloth?"

"N'. Rub my back please, it hurts..."

"Of course, Love. How is your belly? Still bloated?"

"Yes. Oh my Gods, what is that smell?" nauseated by a smell that was wafting into the tent, Hephaestion threw up into the dirt beside the cot. Knowing what to do in situations like this, Alexander got up and dipped a rag in oil made from ginger root, giving it to Hephaestion to hold to his mouth and nose to ease his nausea.

When Hephaestion was able to breathe without the threat of vomiting hanging over his head, Alexander got back onto the cot, waiting for Hephaestion to fall asleep again, before doing so himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Hephaestion woke up later than usual when they were on the move- at about eight in the morning. Drowsy, he felt the bed squish beneath him, meaning only one thing. He had bled through during the night.

Not finding Alexander beside him, Hephaestion had no choice but to alert one of the guards at the tent's enterance to go tell Alexander he was awake. That done, Hephaestion worked at getting out of bed.

"Ouch..." he sighed as he managed to get up and to the back of the tent.

It was a few minutes before Alexander came to the tent like Hephaestion knew he would.

"Love?" he spotted the bed that was now stained with blood, but many years as a soldier made him immune to the sight of it, and he continued to search for his missing beloved.

The sound of a chest lid falling into place alerted him, but the sound of an annoyed, "Shit!" made him perk up his ears.

"Love? Are you here?" he peeked in the back of the large tent, only to be facing his lover's back.

"I am out of cloths," Hephaestion turned to him.

The man's skin was pink due to the scalding impromptu bath he had just taken to clean himself off.

Alexander smiled. While Hephaestion had a sad, defeated look on his face, he knew just how to fix it.

"Don't panic. Here, some portokalia me Meli, your favorite. And- where are they? Ah ha!" he ran to his own chest and began rummaging inside, "Here they are. Your cloths, my dear Phai," he presented the new ones he had bought at the last town they had passed through, some eight hundred leagues back.

"Thank the gods for you, Xander! I'll be right out," and he disappeared behind the curtain after giving his lover a kiss on the cheek.

**AN: According to a website I found on Ancient Greek dishes, Portokalia me Meli was a simple Ancient Greek sweet. It was orange slices drizzled with honey and with a sprinkle of ground cinnamon. Yum! **


	3. Chapter 3

Roxane watched as Alexander and Hephaestion exited the king's tent, ready to officially start their day. She glared at the sight of Hephaestion, knowing that if he happened to bear Alexander a son, all future sons of hers would be for naught. She slipped back into her tent and quickly wrote a letter to her father, calling for and sending a messenger boy off discreetly.

* * *

"What's the headcount this morning?" Hephaestion asked as they walked through the camp to the surgery tent.

"Same as last night," Alexander answered seriously.

Hephaestion breathed a sigh of relief; there was a little boy, Drakon, that had been injured on the way there that Hephaestion adored. Alexander smiled, knowing the reason for Hephaestion's relief. He also knew that the man would be a great parent, whether he be the father or mother, which ever came first.

By this point they were in the surgery tent's entrance. A two-year-old boy, Drakon, squealed and ran to hug Hephaestion's knees, repeating a slightly marred version of Hephaestion's name over and over again, reaching up to him with his unbroken arm.

"My little dragon!" Hephaestion bent down to pick up the child, voice picking up on the boy's happiness, "Listen, let's go lay down on your bed, all right? You need to rest in order to heal."

The toddler nodded, and Hephaestion carried him to his bed, laying him down gently, supporting his head.

"Fest'on, can 'ou pwease tell me a stowy?"

"Of course I can, Little Dragon. Comfortable?" the boy nodded, laying down facing his favorite person, black eyes wide and shining in wonder.

Alexander watched contently as Hephaestion began to spin a tale about a black-eyed prince who traveled the world. Soon, Drakon eyes were lidded and Hephaestion began to pet the boy's black curls as he finally sighed and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Darius read the letter he had recieved two days before.

_My King, _

_I have just come into the knowledge that Hephaestion, son of Amyntor, has the ability to concieve and carry children. As I know you are still in need of an heir, and that all of your wives, old and new, are past childbearing age. I present Hephaestion to you as an option to carry your heir. I can even make it so that your men can sneak into the camp if you wish. You need only send a word if you wish to have him. _

_Your daughter, _

_Roxane_

Darius immediately called for a scribe and swore him to secrecy.


	4. Chapter 4

Hephaestion grinned a week later. His bleeding had stopped. He cleaned up and went outside, rushing to find Alexander. He found him in council, and so, nearly bursting with happiness, he sat down and listened to the flow of Alexander's voice.

After two hours, the meeting was over. Getting up from his seat, Hephaestion walked up to his lover and took his hands, grinning.

"Why hello, Handsome," Alexander smiled up at him.

"What do you have planned for the rest of the day?" Hephaestion swung their linked hands from side-to-side.

"Well, I have to talk to Cleitus, take inventory, and wash Bucephalus. Why do you ask?"

"I'm finished. My bleeding stopped."

"Okay, wow. Well. Ptolemy!" Alexander twisted to face the other general that was some distance away, "Take care of my list today. I have other things that need my attention."

The curly-haired general nodded in understanding before watching Alexander and Hephaestion disappear into their tent.

* * *

Alexander went slow, kissing away the wince that came over Hephaestion's features.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Love you... feels so good... to have you here, with me..."

"Same here, Love," Alexander smiled before kissing him again, "Same here."

For the rest of the day, they spent time in their own perfect world. Little did they know that that perfect world would be turned upside down all too soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Hephaestion and Alexander were asleep in bed a fortnight later. Hephaestion was once again ovulating, so they had just opted to go to sleep that night. For some unknown reason however, the long-haired man was awake and staring up past the thin cloth covering of the tent to the stars glittering high up above his head.

He was brought out of his thoughts and back down to Earth by a soft nickering sound and the stomp of a horse's hooves. Curious and a little skeptical, Hephaestion sat up and reached for the silver-hilted dagger under his pillow.

He panicked when he heard the guards shouting along with the sound of swords clashing. Just then, Alexander awoke, startled.

"What is it?" he sat up, reaching for his chiton and sword and scabbard.

"I don't know..." Hephaestion was watchful, tensed for battle.

"Right, well, stay here. I will be back soon," and then Alexander was gone.

Hephaestion did as Alexander had said to do, and remained quiet and on alert. Suddenly, there was the sound of ripping fabric, and Hephaestion was quick on his feet, facing his attackers. They came at him, grabbed him, choked him. Just as the stars were coming down and starting to settle in the sky of his eyes, Hephaestion found a handle on the man's bulk and flipped him onto his back, kicking him in the jaw hard when he realized the man was looking up the cloth he had managed to wrap around himself before the fight.

Hephaestion jumped on the man's chest, sitting down with a wide stance, putting all his weight on the man's ribs. Satisfactorily, he felt a few break underneath him, smiling at the man as he screamed. Just as he had his dagger to the man's throat however, he was pulled to a stand by the hair by the second man. A kick to the stomach made him groan and curl, and the fight left him just as soon as it had filled him.

He was then stripped of the towel he wore. The piece of cloth was quickly torn into strips, and he was bound and gagged, and then taken from his own world out into the unknown.

* * *

Alexander watched as Darius' men retreated from the fight for appartently no reason at all.

"Cowards!" he yelled after them. Still breathing heavily, he ordered, "Take a headcount. I want every man, woman, and child accounted for!"

As the soldiers scurried off to do as he wished, he went back in the direction of his tent, the fight having drew him away from it, and Hephaestion. As soon as it was in view, he knew something was not right. Taking off at a trot, and then easing into a full run, he approached the tent. Looking inside, he saw papers sattered, the bed and chairs broken. But no Hephaestion.

Walking toward to where Ptolemy stood counting heads, he yelled, "Sound the alarm! Not all are accounted for! A General was taken!"


	6. Chapter 6

Hephaestion trudged up the palace steps, one of his captors holding a sword at his back. Still bound and gagged, he was forced to his knees in front of the throne. He glared up at Darius, who looked smug.

"Well, well... Hephaestion, so glad you could join us..." the Persian King lifted the man's chin, turning his head from side to side, inspecting him, "Take him inside and wash him. Prepare him too," he ordered lazily.

A young slave went around the back of the throne, coming up to Hephaestion. Hephaestion tried to stare him down, but the boy's dark eyes were so kind and full of understanding that he relaxed, letting him remove the gag and ties. The boy took him by the elbow gently and led him into the palace silently.

Once they were in an empty beedchamber, the boy took him into the connected bath, heating water for a bath on the hearth inside the room. Hephaestion let him undress him, the water looking warm and inviting after two days of riding on the back of an ass.

He was helped into the hot water, sighing in relief as it enveloped him. The boy began to use a pumice stone on his skin, rubbing gently but firmly to make the scars he had less noticable. After that was done, he used a rag to clean away the dirt of travel. He then helped Hephaestion out of the now soiled bathwater and tossed it away.

Hephaestion started to become slightly unnerved when the slave boy began to rub him down with saffron and rose oils. Leading him into the bedchamber, the servant handed him a cup of tea. Hephaestion accepted it, until he smelled a trace of mint. He snorted and handed the cup back, covering his mouth and nose.

"What is it?" the boy spoke his first words in their time together.

"That's mint..."

"Yes..." the boy said slowly, "It is for you. It is an aphrodisiac."

Hephaestion's brow crinkled in confusion, "Aphrodisiac? What-" he went silent, remembering that Darius had no sons, and that his wives were all past childbearing age.

But he wasn't. And he was ovulating.

Oh _shit._

**AN: I was looking for aphrodisiacs I could use in this chapter, and found a website that said that Aristotle told Alexander not to have soldiers drink mint tea while on campaign, as he believed it was an aphrodisiac. Hence, Hephaestion's adversion to the tea once he smelled the mint in it. **


	7. Chapter 7

As he realized his situation, although not completely, Hephaestion began to pace, the only sign that he was panicked.

"Boy," he called over the servant boy that had been with him since he had arrived.

"Lutfi, Sir," the boy bowed.

"Lutfi," Hephaestion corrected himself, "Why exactly did Darius bring me here?"

"You were brought here to bear Darius' child. That is all I know. It is odd though, as all the eunuchs in the harem, including me, can have children. The risk with having a eunuch bear children is that, often, the eunuch carrying the child and the child both die when the time comes. This is why Darius has no sons. I am still young though, and so do not have to worry yet."

"Then he took me for another reason other than to hurt Alexander..." Hephaestion continued to pace, not registering wihat Lutfi had just said. When he did a second later, he stopped moving and turned very slowly in Lutfi's direction, "_What?_"

"He needs a son-" Lutfi said softly, head bowed slightly as he peered up at Hephaestion with huge, soft, green eyes.

"No, no, the other part," Hephaestion rushed.

"The eunuchs-"

"Before that!" Hephaestion felt desperate, and grabbed the boy's petite shoulders.

"You were brought here to bear Darius' heir, as you pose less risk of losing the child than a eunuch or woman would, since you are... intact..."

Hephaestion gasped, his hands instinctively going to his stomach, "No. No, no, no! FUCK!" he collapsed backwards onto the bed, moaning into his hands, which were now covering his face.

"Calm down, please!" Lutfi begged, going to him, "The stress is not good for conception."

Hephaestion took his hands away from his face, glaring at the innocent boy before hurriedly sitting up, "There will _be _no conception! Do you hear me? None! I will not harbor my soulmate and king's demise! I am no man's INSTRUMENT!" at the last sentence, he turned his attention from the stunned boy, hollering as loud as he could in the direction of the closed door, hoping Darius and all of Persia could hear him.

"Shh," Lutfi tried to offer comfort, but Hephaestion's deadly glare made him lower his eyes and go silent. Many minutes passed before he dared to speak again, "It is best to just let it happen. He does not last long, or so I've heard."

"I'll kill him..." Hephaestion threatened under his breath, and then smiled maniacally, "Alexander will be mad with jealousy."

Lutfi's innate need to protect his king overtook him, and he begged, "No, please! He is a good king-!"

Hephaestion rushed to his feet, looming over the boy, "'A good king?!' This is rape, or worse! Why can't you see that? I won't-!" suddenly, the sound of the door closing cut him off, and caused both of them to turn.

There stood Darius.

Seething, Hephaestion marched up to him and without ceremony punched him square in the jaw, wiping the small smile off his face for a moment.

This did not phase the Persian king in the least, who picked himself up off the ground with an unparalleled grace, "So I see you have been debriefed as to why you are here, my flower."

Hephaestion scowled at the man, "Bitch," he spat.

"Technically, that would be you, my dear. Lutfi, leave us please."

After the boy had left, Hephaestion tried strangling Darius, but the man caught his hands, turned him around and pinned his arms behind his back. Hephaestion huffed indignantly. Then he realized one of his feet was planted between Darius' legs. Seeing this, Hephaestion smiled privately to himself, and brought his heel up between Darius' thighs.

The man fell forward, pinning Hephaestion beneath him. Hephaestion struggled to free himself, but could not. After a few minutes, Darius recovered, and sat up, pushing Hephaestion's legs apart. Hephaestion began to sob in desperation and called out Alexander's name loudly as he was taken.


	8. Chapter 8

Lutfi came back into the room to find Hephaestion abandoned and sobbing on the floor, the back and insides of his thighs wet with blood.

"Oh Meghr..." he knelt beside the man and sat him up gently, closing his legs with even more care.

"Ow..." Hephaestion whispered, wincing.

"Shh... it's all right now... Can you stand? I just want to get you to the bed."

Leaning on Lutfi and limping, Hephaestion made it to the bed. Lutfi eased him onto it gently, and then worked on cleaning him off.

"Alexander..." Hephaestion moaned, slightly delirious, "Alexander... Need you..."

"Shh..." very gently, Lutfi bent the man's legs and put a pillow underneath his knees, a trick he had learned in the harem to make sure the king's essence did its work and reached deep inside the body.

"Ow! Ow, ow, _ow_!" Hephaestion cried out in pain at the movement.

"Hush... Here, have a drink," Lutfi found a glass and pitcher of ice cold water on the table by the bed. Helping Hephaestion to sit up, he held the glass as he took a sip, then spit it out as the water churned his already sickened-by-events stomach.

Hephaestion retched over the side of the bed. Nothing came up, however, as his stomach was completely empty, he having not ate for a whole of almost three days.

"I will prepare you some doogh. It is a yogurt-based drink, with mint as a flavoring. The yogurt is made with milk, which will help you produce milk for when the babe comes."

Lutfi left the room after making sure Hephaestion was as comfortable as he could be, laying on his side. In a few minutes, he was back. Hephaestion sipped the drink gratefully.

"I hurt..." tears pricked Hephaestion's light blue eyes.

"Shh..." Lutfi pet his hair, "Drink and eat something, and then you can sleep," he presented bread and Hephaestion warily took it and nibbled it, "Good boy," he praised, "I will let you sleep when you have a whole slice of bread in your stomach."

It took over an hour, but Hephaestion downed an entire slice of bread, passing out from exhaustion and stress as soon as he swallowed the last bite.

**Translations:**

**Meghr = Honey (Armenian)**

**AN: Doogh is a real drink that is still around today. Also, I made up that part that drinking milk helps produce milk. **


	9. Chapter 9

It was two months before they were absolutely sure. But as soon as the doctor confirmed the pregnancy, Hephaestion began to contemplate ways to get rid of it. As soon as Lutfi realized this, he kept everything, sharp objects and dangerous herbs, out of Hephaestion's reach.

"I DON'T WANT IT!" finally, one day, at the beginning his third month, Hephaestion just snapped, "DARIUS DID THIS TO ME, AND BY THE GODS, I HOPE ALEXANDER KILLS HIM FOR IT!" he stormed out the door, the guards too frightened of what they assumed was hormone-fueled anger to stop him.

"Where are you going?" Lutfi called from the doorway.

"OUT FOR A RIDE! YA!" the horse he had mounted took off, heading west, toward Alexander.

By nightfall, Hephaestion had found the Macedonian camp. Ptolemy, who was on watch for him, saw him and rushed to wake Alexander. Hephaestion was then helped down from his horse by two boys. Once standing, Hephaestion felt nauseated and threw up into the sand.

"Phaistion?" he heard Alexander's voice before he saw him.

"Xander!" and suddenly they were in each other's arms.

"Gods, you gave me a scare!" Alexander whispered, "How are you, are you all right? They didn't hurt you did they?"

Hephaestion went very quiet and looked down in the direction of his belly, barely visible to the outside world.

"What is it?" at his lover's silence, fear made Alexander's voice catch in his throat, "Phai, what happened?" when the man finally raised his head and Alexander saw tears shimmering in his blue eyes.

"Can we talk privately? Please?"

"Of course, Love," they walked to Alexander's tent, through the throng of soldiers that had gathered, "We are not to be disturbed!" and then the tent's flap dropped and they were alone. Alexander took time to secure the flap to ensure their privacy, and when he turned, he found Hephaestion naked. Hephaestion's body language of knees pulled up to his chest and head down did not register in Alexander's mind as he smirked, "Well, isn't this a surprise..."

He sauntered over, and put a hand on Hephaestion's knee. Hephaestion, frightened at the action, scrambled to get away and did not turn back to his shocked king until he was at the other end of the tent.

"My king..." he swallowed visibly, his breath coming quick, "I am sorry, but I would rather you not touch me like that..."

"You never had qualms with it before."

"Yes, well, a lot has happened recently..."

"Does this have to do with Darius?" Alexander watched as his love cringed at the name, "I suppose I have my answer."

"I must show you something, but you must promise to hear me out."

"All right," Alexander sat down on a cushion, his entire attention on the man in front of him.

Hephaestion stood slowly, exposing his belly.

Alexander saw the small bulge, "Is that-?"

Hephaestion's tears finally cascaded down his cheeks as he nodded. He cringed, ready for Alexander's famous temper to flare. When it did not, he opened his eyes to see tears in Alexander's eyes and a watery smile on the man's face.

"Xander-"

"It's unbelivable... our own little prince..." When Alexander came close to kneel at his belly, Hephaestion backed away a few steps.

"It is not what you think. This is not our child."

Alexander frowned, confused, "What do you mean?"

"It is Darius'. I-" as Hephaestion watched, Alexander's face contorted in anger.

"DARIUS? YOU LAID WITH DARIUS? MY ENEMY! HOW DARE YOU!" he roared.

"It is not as it seems!"

"HOW LONG?"

"Alexander-"

But Alexander's anger had consumed him, and he was no longer listening, "How long have you been his whore?" his voice had dropped to a menacing whisper.

"It is not-" Hephaestion tried again.

"HOW. LONG. HAVE. YOU. BEEN. HIS. WHORE?!" he screamed.

"I have not-"

"DO NOT LIE TO ME! THE EVIDENCE IS THERE, IN YOUR BELLY!" He took some deep breaths, "You are henceforth banished from this camp and my court, consider your rank as second-in-command terminated as of now. I never want to set eyes on you again."

In tears, Hephaestion pushed past Alexander and tore open the tent flap, racing down to where the horses were kept. In his upset state, he could not mount, and so one of the boys had to aid him. As soon as he was firmly in the saddle, he raced away, tears and kicked-up sand blurring his vision.

He knew only one thing for certain. He would keep this child, no matter what.


	10. Chapter 10

Once he was back in Darius' palace Hephaestion locked himself in his rooms, eating and drinking just enough to keep the babe healthy.

"Meghr, it is me," Lutfi voice rang out.

Hephaestion got up and shuffled to the door, wiping tears away as he unlocked it. Upon seeing his charge in such a state, Lutfi rushed to set down the tray he had brought and then turned to inspect Hephaestion.

"What do you need?" he kept his voice low.

"A huge pomegranate and Alexander's stupid head on a stupid stake!" his voice filled with need and his eyes flashing with unspeakable anger.

Lutfi smiled gently, "Well, I can get you the pomegranate now and after I come back we can figure out what to do with Alexander's stupid head, all right?" Hephaestion nodded, "Go lay down, all of this emotion can't be good for the child."

Hephaestion shook his head, needing to walk off his anger and ease the knot in his lower back where the babe seemed to be resting. When Lutfi came back, he saw Hephaestion's pained expression and offered his services. Hephaestion accepted and stood with his head hung as Lutfi tried to give him some relief.

After thirty minutes with no change, Hephaestion began to cry yet again. Lutfi saw this and walked away, quickly preparing the bed so that Hephaestion could lay on his side as he did the massage. But Hephaestion shook his head at the offer.

"It's no use, Lutfi... Only one person can take my pain away, and since I pushed him away, I deserve this pain..."

"You deserve nothing of the sort. You did nothing wrong. Alexander just can't see that yet. He will though, trust me."

"How do you know? You do not know Alexander," Hephaestion looked up, and then walked to the window in the room that faced west, gazing out over the hot desert sand, toward Alexander.

"No, I do not. I know for a fact that feeling sorry when you have done something wrong is the way of humans. He will come around."

"I hope to the Gods you're right, Lutfi..." Hephaestion rested his head against the glass of the window, sighing.


	11. Chapter 11

One of the other eunuchs went into labor that night, and, as was the unspoken custom, all of the eunuchs that were with child were allowed to watch, to know what to expect when their time came. Lutfi led Hephaestion down into a large, bare room at the back of the harem, where the birth would take place. It was then that Hephaestion recieved a shock. Many of the eunuchs were only a few years older than Lutfi, with only a handful in adulthood. Each eunuch with child had a companion with them, to quell their fears, Hephaestion guessed.

Lutfi sat down among them, reaching up to Hephaestion, "Sit in my lap," Hephaestion did as he said, gratefully, "I will protect you," his long, graceful arms came around Hephaestion, his hands ending up at the bottom of his still small belly, supporting it.

As they sat, Hephaestion looked about, trying to guess how many eunuchs with child there were in the room. He guessed fifty or so. Suddenly, the eunuch giving birth gave a low groan, and Hephaestion snapped his head around startled. Some of the younger boys in the group gave whimpers or moans of their own, but their companions were quick to calm them.

"Shh..." Lutfi's soothed, joining the other companions with his whispers, brushing back wisps of long hair from Hephaestion's face, "It is just the start. Nothing will happen for a long time yet."

The midwife soothed her patient by telling a joke in Persian, and he opened his stance more over the tray with what seemed to be ash, leaning against the huge bed in the middle of the room as support.

Hephaestion tapped Lutfi on the wrist to get his attention, a question on his lips. When Lutfi had leaned forward, Hephaestion whispered in his ear.

"Why is he not in the bed?"

"Lying down prolongs labor and makes birth more difficult and dangerous for him and the child. It is the Persian way. Are you comfortable?"

Hephaestion nodded silently, turning back to watch the birth as Lutfi stroked his hair with a gentle hand.

The water broke after an hour of waiting. Many of the boys flinched into the protection of their companions' chests at the suddeness of it, but Hephaestion had foaled enough mares to know to watch for it, and so did not startle. In fact, he grinned.

This was his reaction to every birth he had ever witnessed. The fact that it was a new life being brought into the world amazed him.

In another hour or so, the man began to bear down, screaming and moaning. The screams scared the younger boys, who began to voice screams of their own. Some began to cry or cover their ears. The older expecting eunuchs, as this man was, had been silent through the whole event, and remained so.

Without warning, the screams of the man in pain stopped. Hephaestion watched in horror as he seemed to limply fall against the bed, his head turned so that his open, brown eyes stared directly into Hephaestion's. Hephaestion watched, stunned beyond movement, as the light seemed to drain from those eyes. Then the midwife stood up and shook her head, her head bowed. The man was dead.

In minutes, they were cleared from the room and escorted back to their chambers by their guardians. It was only after they were back in Hephaestion's rooms that Hephaestion realized he was shaking. He had witnessed death before, many times, but never in childbirth. And it had frightened him.

"Are you all right? I'm sorry, that happens more often-" Lutfi tried to explain.

"Alexander..." Hephaestion gave a low, deep moan, staring ahead while standing where Lutfi had left him, in the middle of the room.

"Yes-"

"I need Alexander!" Hephaestion's voice cracked as it tried to rise to an octave that it had not used in years as he screeched.

"Yes, shh... I will get Alexander, I promise," Lutfi laid his charge down on the bed and left the room, going out to the stables.

* * *

After riding all day, Lutfi made it to the Macedonian camp.

"I need to see King Alexander," he demanded as soon as he was given food and water.

"Alexander, a eunuch is here demanding your audience," Ptolemy announced at the king's tent.

Alexander lay on his cot naked and covered in poisonous snakes, all presents from his mother. It was a dangerous habit he had taken up since banishing Hephaestion.

"Did he say what he wanted? Yes, hello, my girl..." as one of the snakes hissed, almost eye-to-eye with him.

"He did not say, but he seems frantic."

"Show him in."

The boy rushed in, but dropped to his knees in a low bow.

"Yes, yes, who are you and what do you want?"

"My lord, I am Lutfi, a servant at King Darius' court. Recently, I have been the caretaker of a man I know you hold dear to your heart, Hephaestion."

Alexander sat up slowly, letting the snakes that had been on his chest and arms pile into his lap, "That name is no longer allowed in my camp or anywhere in my presence."

"I am sorry, my lord, but it is vital you hear me out."

Alexander laid back with a sigh, clearly bored, "Go on."

"Not too long ago, Hephaestion came to you after leaving Darius' palace. I do not know what happened here, but it was very clear to me that you had had an argument."

"Yes, he came here, showed me his belly, told me it was Darius', and I banished him," Alexander stated as if repeating it for the thousandth time.

"All right," Lutfi nodded, pacing the tent floor slowly. Suddenly he stopped directly in front of Alexander, "In the heat of the disagreement, did he happen to tell you just _how _the pregnancy began?"

"He laid with Darius," Alexander said, as if it was perfectly obvious.

"Ah, so that's it..." Lutfi murmured to himself, but loud enough for Alexander to hear, "He laid with Darius, you assumed correctly on that account."

"That account?" Alexander sat up once more, his full attention on the boy in front of him.

"You see, there is always two sides to every story. It seems that you were much too angry to even bother with what Hephaestion had to say on the matter."

"Well, he tried-"

"Ah, so he did try to tell you. And did he succeed?"

Alexander hung his head in shame as the realization came over him, "No... I guess I was too harsh on him..."

"Much too harsh," Lutfi agreed, "You see, neither the intercourse nor the pregnancy was consensual."

Alexander startled, "What?"

"Maybe I was speaking too broadly," Lutfi smirked, as he bent at the waist to be face-to-face with Alexander, "Hephaestion. was. raped."

Alexander sat still a moment, letting the information soak in, and then jumped out of his bed of snakes, screaming for an alarm to sound, all while getting dressed. He then turned to Lutfi, "You conniving little thing you," he smiled.

Lutfi shrugged, "I do what I must to survive."

"Yes you do, and very well too. Now come, let us save Hephaestion."

Lutfi nodded once firmly in agreement, and then they were off, heading east, toward both Darius and Hephaestion.

**AN: To do the birth scene, I looked up Iranian birthing rituals and customs, and they do tell jokes or stories, as well as use a tin filled with ash to collect the fluids that come with the birth. Interesting, no?**


	12. Chapter 12

Hephaestion startled as he heard the sounds of battle outside his window. He had tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, those unblinking brown eyes would haunt him. So he had settled on crying silently and praying for the man and babe's souls. Wiping his eyes, he got up from the bed and shuffled over to the window. Looking out, he watched as Alexander speared Darius on his sword. He screamed aloud, and Alexander looked up at him. Alexander then got Lutfi's attention and they rushed upstairs, leaving the rest of the soldiers to fight the guards.

"Love-" Alexander burst into the room just as Lutfi opened the door. He caught Hephaestion just as he was sliding to the floor, his body having gone weak witth shock, "It's all right now, I'm here..."

"Y-y-you k-killed him... the father of my babe... you killed him..." it came out in barely a whisper.

"I had to, to protect you and your babe. Shh, it's all right..." Alexander held his love close and rocked him back-and-forth, "I know all about what happened, and I am not mad. It's all right."

"Toilet, I need the toilet," Hephaestion tried to stand, but lurched forward before Lutfi caught him.

"I have him," Alexander assured the boy, and then led his love out of the room and down the hall to the washroom.

"I'll get the doctor and the midwife," and Lutfi rushed off.

Alexander helped Hephaestion lean over the toilet as he became sick.

"It's all right, just let it come," he soothed.

As he was finishing, Hephaestion body went stiff, and his breath was stolen from him, if only momentarily.

"What's wrong, Love?" Alexander was concerned.

"I- don't know- but it really- hurts..." finally he relaxed with a sigh, just as Alexander was piecing things together.

"Damn," he swore under his breath, frightening Hephaestion even more.

"What? What is it?" as Alexander helped him back into bed.

"It's nothing-" Alexander was surprised when Hephaestion grabbed the front of his chiton and yanked him close.

"Don't tell me it's nothing, O Mégas Aléxandros! It doesn't feel like- Ahh, ha!" he bent in half as a pain overtook him, tightening his grip on Alexander's clothes, choking him.

"All right, all right! You're in labor-"

"What? No! No, no, no, no! It's too early! Ungh!" Hephaestion grunted with effort as he brought his legs together, trying to keep the babe from coming.

"It's all right. Lutfi's gone for the physician and the midwife, and we _will _stop it, I promise."

"I'm scared..." Hephaestion whispered, tears in his eyes.

"There is no reason to be. I will protect you."

For the first time in his life, Hephastion did not believe him. Soon, Lutfi was back with the midwife. Hephaestion reached for him silently as soon as he was inside the room and the boy eased up onto the bed behind him, letting Hephaestion lay against him. He rubbed Hephaestion's tummy in slow circles as Hephaestion grit his teeth and fought the pains that came every once in a while.

"Take this, Meghr," when the midwife handed Lutfi some Valerian tea for Hephaestion to drink to ease his cramps. That and the black haw they fed him seemed to have the desired effect after a short while.

Lutdi calmed Hephaestion with quiet words and songs as the man recovered, exhausted and emotionally stressed. When Alexander reached out to him to comfort him as well, Hephaestion flinched against Lutfi, at which the young man shushed him.

Many, many hours later, Hephaestion fell asleep against Lutfi's bare stomach, listening to his heartbeat and steady breathing. Lutfi just carded his fingers through the long hair staring out the only window in the room.


	13. Chapter 13

The midwife ordered a month's bedrest for Hephaestion to fully recover from the shock of Darius' death. Alexander was mostly nonexistent, not quite sure how to help Hephaestion heal from the death of a man that essentially had been his captor as well as his and Alexander's worst enemy.

During this "captivity" in his bed, Hephaestion was entertained by Lutfi, who helped Hephaestion in writing his memoirs by being the scribe as Hephaestion dictated to him when Hephaestion realized that was what he wanted to do. Other than that, Hephaestion slept or ate.

But one day near the end of his bedrest, Hephaestion came to realize his love for Lutfi. He knew it was more romantic than platonic, but that didn't worry him, as his only supposedly true love had nothing short of abandon him.

* * *

On the day he was allowed to get out of bed, Lutfi was giving him a massage to work the kinks and knots that had made a home in his body during all his time in bed and the one little room.

Without meaning to, Hephaestion began to feel lustful toward nothing in particular. He was on his side so that Lutfi could work on his back. He reached behind him, somehow grabbing Lutfi's hand.

"Yes, Meghr?" the young man looked up.

Hephaestion gasped loudly, and Lutfi, concerned it was his pains again, came around to face him. And found him flushed and panting with the hormones that were raging through him. Lutfi smiled in understanding. He went to get a cold compress but soon came back. Kneeling by Hephaestion, he reassured him.

"This is perfectly normal, all right? It's okay-"

"Be quiet, please..." Hephaestion murmured, trying to resist the insane urge to grab the man in front of him.

But Lutfi wasn't listening, or didn't hear him, "Most eunuchs get their first arousals while giving birth actually. I've always wondered about that. Huh..." he tilted his head in thought.

Hephaestion lifted his head from the pillow quickly, but with a shock found Lutfi's lips on his.

"There you are," he smiled gently, "I was wondering where you'd gone, all buried in that big bed."

"So all of that..." Hephaestion was in shock, and could not say much else.

"Oh no, that's all true. I just wanted to startle you," he grinned, "It worked."

"Yes, well..." Hephaestion couldn't get the words out.

"Oh, and Meghr?" he stood to take the compress away. Hephaestion turned to him, "I know. I know because it's my job," at Hephaestion quizzical expression, "I'll be right back, and then we can get you all sorted out."

Lutfi did come back shortly, and set about kissing Hephaestion on the lips and neck. Hephaestion moaned, his vision hazy as Lutfi whispered in his ear.

"I know that you've been looking at me these past few weeks. I know that you love me. Guess what? I love you too..." Hephaestion blushed at the thought that Lutfi had known all along, but gave a strangled gasp as Lutfi nibbled just behind his ear, where he was most sensitive. His arousal was obvious as it lay against his stomach, but Hephaestion decided, silently, that he wasn't quite ready for _that_ just yet. Lutfi seemed to realize this, and so just worked on kissing him and pleasuring him in other ways.

"Lutfi, did you get-? Ahh!" Alexander walked in on them, and stared as two sets of eyes, both dark with lust, turned to him, one set frightened and the other territorial, "I'll just..." and he was gone.

Hephaestion pushed Lutfi away, the excitement gone. The young man simply went back to massaging Hephaestion's lower back, where he was often sore. When Hephaestion could move without pain again, he stood.

"I must talk to Alexander."

"I will go with you," Lutfi supported Hephaestion as he walked out of the room.

* * *

They found Alexander pacing in the throne room.

"Alexander-"

"HOW COULD YOU?!" He screamed at Hephaestion.

"How could I? Alexander, you abandoned me when I told you about Darius. You didn't even give me the chance to say that it was not my choice! Lutfi has been there since this all happened, never even yelling at me. Why should I not love him?"

Alexander froze, "You what?"

Hephaestion stood taller, "I love him, Alexander. And nothing you could say or do will change that."

He turned around and walked off, Lutfi's arm around his waist. Just as they came to the door, Lutfi kissed Hephaestion on the cheek, and Alexander seethed as he watched Hephaestion's smile that was meant just for him be turned on Lutfi.


	14. Chapter 14

Over the next two months, Lutfi worked very hard on the babe's nursery, painting and decorating. Hephaestion sat in the pine rocking chair that Lutfi had built, contently rocking slowly back-and-forth, watching Lutfi paint or build furniture. The room itself was a soft mint green with a pine cradle and wardrobe.

Then one morning during this ritual of theirs, Hephaestion gave a short cry of surprise. Lutfi was at his side in a moment.

"What is it, Phaistion? What hurts?"

"I-don't know..." both hands were protectively on his belly.

"May I feel?" at Hephaestion's stiff nod, Lutfi put his hands on his belly carefully. Soon, he felt something, "She's kicking. Phaistion, it's all right, she's just kicking," he grinned up at him, "Here, feel."

"Oh!" Hephaestion lay back in the rocking chair, weak with relief, his eyes becoming wet.

"Maybe you should rest. I can make up a pallet right here on the floor," Lutfi gently brushed a strand of hair from his love's eyes, tucking it behind his ear.

"No, I'm all right," Hephaestion gave him a watery smile, and Lutfi bent forward to kiss Hephaestion on the lips, "Although I am kind of hungry."

"What do you want to eat? I will make it right now."

"Something sweet please."

Lutfi chuckled, "My girl wants to eat, hm?" smiling, he nuzzled and kissed Hephaestion's six-months-pregnant belly.

"Yes, now go," Hephaestion hurried him.

* * *

"I made some fresh marsipan," Lutfi announced as he put a slice into his mouth, giving Hephaestion a plate with six slices on it, "Eat slowly, don't want you making yourself sick."

As he turned back to his work, he heard Hephaestion sobbing. Attentive, he turned back to the man to find him eating and in tears.

"Mehr, don't force it," kneeling in front of the rocker, he eased the plate away and set it down on the floor before standing and taking Hephaestion into his arms and sitting down in the rocking chair, "Meghr, what's wrong?"

"You said I was fat!"

"No, I didn't-"

"You told me not to eat! The one person I trust-!" Hephaestion's heavy sobs and lack of air cut the sentence short.

"I never said that, I said to eat _slowly _so you didn't get sick. Something else is bothering you, isn't it? Tell me."

Hephaestion shook his head vehemently, "I don't know!"

"Yes, you do. Now relax and tell me. I might be able to fix your problem."

Hephaestion turned to him, his blue eyes angry through their tears, "I don't have a problem!"

"You're right, that was a bad choice of words, I'm sorry. I might be able to help through whatever troubles you are having. Better?"

"Better," Hephaestion slumped against the younger man, finally manuvering his body so that he was laying across his lap, facing the wall as Lutfi gently carded slender fingers through his long hair, "Lutfi, do you think I'm a bad mother? For hating the child. Earlier, I mean."

"I don't believe you hated the child at all. I think you hated the circumstances in which she was given to you."

"But I tried to kill myself."

"And I kept you safe. But I don't think you tried to kill yourself because you hated the child, I think you did it because you felt weak. You felt like you should have fought harder, screamed louder, whatever would have prevented Darius from taking you the way he did," as he said this in a whispered tone, Lutfi openly stared at the wall, or through it, at something Hephaestion could not see.

"Lutfi... would you... would you hold me tonight?"

Lutfi smiled softly, still staring, "Of course, Meghr."


	15. Chapter 15

They went to bed early that night, as Hephaestion could only stay awake a few hours at a time, the burden of sustaining the child exhausting him beyond anything he had ever known. He woke late the next morning, although before Lutfi, and sleepy walked down the hall to the nursery, still in his night clothes, wanting a few minutes alone in peace and quiet.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Hephaestion saw the room for the first time that day. And screamed. In minutes, feet came running from his and Lutfi's bedroom even as Lutfi's voice came down the hall.

"I'm coming, Meghr!" soon, Lutfi was by his side, "What is it? What happened? Is it your pains?"

Hephaestion was mouthing, "My gods..." over and over again, staring into the room.

"What is it, Meghr?" Lutfi followed his frozen gaze, "Oh."

The mint-green paint on the far wall had been covered in paint of a blood-red color, the red displaying a message of hatred. The rocker had been smashed. They did not even have to go inside to know that the wardrobe had been tipped over and the cradle also destroyed.

Hephaestion found himself in Lutfi's embrace and sobbing.

"Shh... I can fix it. We can start over..." Lutfi soothed.

"Too late- Not enough time-" Hephaestion wailed into his shoulder.

"There is always enough time. I will start right now. Do you want to watch?"

"Have to- do something first," Hephaestion breathed, his tears slowing.

"All right. Call if you need me," and they went their seperate ways.

* * *

Hephaestion stormed around the palace, furious. He knew of only one person who would have had the gall to do something of this measure. And right now, he wanted to kill him with his bare hands. He found who he was looking for in the stables, trying to hide the red paint.

"So it was you," Alexander, having not heard Hephaestion come in, turned, only to find himself caught.

"Hephaestion..."

"Don't "Hephaestion..." me! Why would you do something like that? You desecrated my babe's one place where she could feel completely safe!"

"It's not a temple! It's not sacred!"

"It is to me!" Hephaestion screamed before going silent to catch his breath, "It is sacred, to Lutfi and I, and hopefully to our babe someday soon..."

"That- eunuch-" Alexander's features twisted in disgust, "will never be a true father to that-that- monster you carry..."

"And you would be? Oh, and by the way, my babe is not one who is the monster and doesn't deserve to live. You are. I never want to see you again, and you are no longer welcome here."

Hephaestion walked away after that, emotionally drained and physically hurting. By the time he had gotten back into the palace and to the nursery, he felt dizzy. And so, just as he got to the doorway of his child's room and Lutfi had turned to see him, he fainted.


	16. Chapter 16

Hephaestion awoke in the birthing room he and Lutfi had set up months before. Lutfi was nowhere to be seen. Upon seeing this, Hephaestion simply got up out of bed, feeling the insane urge to clean everything in sight.

After scouring every floor in the palace on hands and knees, he set the wash up in the warm kitchen, his body shivering as it had all morning. Soon, his chiton was soaked with sweat and soap suds.

Having stripped of his clothes to clean them, he went outside to hang them all to dry. This done a few hours later, he bent to pick up his woven basket when he noticed he was leaking. The liquid was clear, and he soon realized what was happening.

Swearing to himself, he hurried inside, going back to his birthing room, glad that he had scalded everything clean. He slipped ap dry grass mat under the thin mattress on the bed, wanting to lay down to give birth. Forget what Lutfi said about it being harder. He had been wounded in war and survived, and he would survive this.

* * *

After seventeen hours of early labor, his shivering intensified and he had to lay down to keep from falling. It was just as he was propping up pillows to lean against that he felt his first real pain. It stole his breath and made his body go stiff, but only lasted fifteen seconds or so.

* * *

After another ten hours, Hephaestion felt the overpowering urge to push. He got up against the pillows and bent his knees. And pushed. And pushed. And pushed. For five hours, he struggled, grunting and moaningwith the pain. But finally, he felt relief as his babe left his body and settled onto the soft but thin mattress between his legs.

Hephaestion lay back, recovering for a moment, before very slowly and gently picking up the almost too-small child, which he saw was a boy. He cleaned his mouth and nose quickly, praying silently. It was only when the babe let out a weak wail that Hephaestion exhaled the breath he had been holding. And began to cry happy tears.

"Look at you..." he smiled, "So tiny... and beautiful... and perfect... Oh my gods..." Just then, he heard footsteps in the hall, and then Lutfi and Alexander were with him. Hephaestion glared at Alexander, all the while tucking his newborn son protectively into his chest, "What is _he_ doing here? And why did you leave me?"

"Meghr, I went to talk to him, that is all," Lutfi explained.

"That's all?" Hephaestion's voice was a deadly quiet, "I went into labor before my time and gave birth alone because you decided to leave. Without telling me!"

"You had the babe?"

"Yes. It's a boy. Not that you seem to care."

"Meghr, I do. It was only bad timing-"

"You. Left. Me," Hephaestion emphasized each word.

"Meghr, I didn't-"

"Thirty-two hours... You were gone thirty-two hours," Hephaestion stared at his lover.

The babe began to cry, and Alexander took charge, "Phai, you need to calm down. Breathe. Lutfi, I suggest you leave and never return. Phai, Love, do you need anything?" Alexander came up to the bed.

"I haven't named him yet," Hephaestion sighed, exhausted.

"Well, do you want a Persian name or a Greek name?" Alexander smiled.

"Persian..." Hephaestion winced, fearing Alexander's anger.

"Give him here," Alexander held out his arms. With another almost nonexistant wail, the boy was given, very gently, to Alexander, "He's very tiny," Alexander observed.

"Yes, well, he came three months before his time," Hephaestion scooted closer to his best friend and lover, worried for his son.

"He will become strong. Just look at who his Mayrik is," Alexander smiled at his true love once more, "I am so very sorry for what I said and did-"

"Forgiven and forgotten," Hephaestion smiled, "You're good with him."

"Am I? Truth be told, I'm terrified I'm going to hurt him," Alexander swayed on his feet a little, rocking the child that was nestled in his arms.

"You're perfect with him," Hephaestion eased upward for a kiss.

It was given to him without a fuss.

**Translations: **

**Mayrik = Mama**

**AN: Just so you guys know, I was a premie. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	17. Chapter 17

"So you want a Persian name?" Alexander held the child as he talked to Hephaestion, who was now laying in bed.

"Yes..."

"All right. Let's see. Gods, he's gorgeous, Phai... and he's so small..." with a shock, Hephaestion watched as Alexander began to weep over the newborn babe in his arms.

"Xander..." Hephaestion scooted closer, even though it still hurt to move.

"I'm sorry, forgive me," Alexander sniffed, "I just wish he was ours."

"He is ours, Love. He will always be ours. I like the name Khalis. It means "pure" in Persian."

"Oh gods, yes," Alexander bent down to kiss the babe's brow, still crying silently, "Welcome to the world, sweet Khalis. I may not be your true father, but I promise to love you like he would have."

Khalis began to cry, and Hephaestion took him from Alexander, settling him alongside his breast so that he could nurse. The boy continued to wail, unaware of his mother's breasts, and therefore his food.

"He's not feeding," Hephaestion turned panicked eyes upon his lover, "He's hungry. He needs to feed!"

Alexander, tears having stopped, calmed his soulmate, "Shh, Phai. It may be that he does not know how, being born so early before his time as he is. I will help," Alexander gently turned Khalis' head and guided him forward so that his lips brushed Hephaestion's breast. His tiny, pink mouth opened on instinct and Alexander began to very carefully traced his throat with a finger to help him swallow.

"He's drinking," Hephaestion watched in awe.

"Yes, he is. He loves you. I love you."

Hephaestion heard Alexander speak but he now only had eyes for his babe. He beautiful, wonderful blessing.


	18. Chapter 18

Hephaestion willingly took a week in bed to recover from Khalis' early birth. During that time, he never let the boy out of his sight or reach. Alexander still had to aid during feedings, but enjoyed these times as he watched his little boy grow with each feed. Finally, within a month, Khalis had the strength to feed on his own. Within another two, his eyes came unfused.

His eyes were the same brilliant blue as his mother's, and his head was covered in black curls. One morning, as Hephaestion was feeding Khalis in his nursery, his heart began to race. He called for Alexander just as his chest got tight and he could no longer breathe.

Alexander rushed in, taking Khalis and putting him in his cradle before turning to his lover.

"Phai, what is wrong?" he knelt down to the man's eye level.

Hephaestion shook his head, gasping in air in short, rasping breaths, "Can't- breathe-"

"It's okay, just relax."

Hephaestion shook his head again, having no idea why he was doing it so much, "Darius-"

"Darius is gone. He can't hurt you anymore, okay?"

Hephaestion began to breathe just like Lutfi had taught him for Khalis' birth, and he gave a heavy sigh as he finally relaxed.

"There you are," Alexander soothed, petting Hephaestion's hair.

"Why now?"

"You've been in shock, and now you're starting to deal with the trauma of what Darius did to you and Khalis' birth. You did this with battle wounds too, remember? You'd go deal with the other wounded soldiers, including me, before your body would realize it was hurt and you would start to hyperventilate and then you would-" Hephaestion slumped in the chair in a dead faint, "-faint... All right, Love, let us get you into bed," Alexander left the nursery to tuck Hephaestion into bed, before going back to deal with a screaming newborn, "Oh yes, yes. Shh..." he bounced the boy gently, pacing the room.

* * *

Hephaestion awoke with a gasp a few minutes later, sitting up quickly. A hand on his shoulder steadied him, and then Alexander's smooth voice reached his ears.

"It's all right, Phai Love. Just breathe," and then Alexander went silent to sooth the crying boy on his shoulder, "He wants his mother. I do believe he is hungry," he handed Hephaestion his babe as Hephaestion's breasts seemed to fill on mention of Khalis' hunger, and become almost unbearably heavy in doing so.

"Give him here," Hephaestion reached for his son while struggling to undo his chiton's clasp that lay against his shoulder.

"Hang on, Love, hang on. No need to fuss," his hands now free, Alexander went closer to the bed and started to undo Hephaestion's chiton's clasp.

That done, Hephaestion hurried to get his chiton off of his shoulders and hold Khalis to his breast, letting out a low moan of relief when he began to suck. Alexander, surprised by this sound and Hephaestion's completely blissful expression, smirked to himself before going to wrap his arms around his lover's neck. However, the movement caused Hephaestion to startle, and, without really thinking, he used the moves Lutfi had taught him in order to fight off rowdy men or women, or even another attacker.

His free arm's elbow jabbed Alexander in the ribs, and then cut downward into the soft part of Alexander's thigh, which was raised in an attempt to climb on the bed behind his lover. Finally, the elbow connected with his chin, making his teeth clash together as his head snapped backwards. Then he fell to the floor in a heap as he heard Hephaestion gasp in horror and then start to giggle.

"'t's no' funny!" Alexander said into the floor before struggling to pick himself up. He watched as Hephaestion crumpled, silent tears coming now instead of laughter, "No, no, Love," he hurried to embrace him, but Hephaestion shrugged him off, all without disturbing the hungry babe at his breast.

"Don't-just don't touch me please..." he murmured.

"All right, all right, I will not touch you," instead Alexander sat at the end of the bed, "May I take the babe?" he reached out.

Hephaestion became angry, still in tears, "NO! KHALIS IS MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME? HE IS THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT CAME OUT OF THIS, AND THE ONLY THING THAT I LIVE FOR ANYMORE! SO NO, MÉGAS ALÉXANDROS, YOU MAY NOT TAKE MY BABE AWAY FROM ME!" Khalis began to scream as his meal was disrupted, and Hephaestion was quick to hush him gently and allow him to go back to feeding.

"Phai..."

Without looking at him, but down at his child instead, Hephaestion muttered, "Please, Xander, I need some time alone."

"Of course, Love," and Alexander got up from the bed and left the room.

Once he had set the door ajar, he stayed outside the room for a moment, collecting himself. Then he heard Hephaestion singing a lullaby from their youth.

"My precious babe... from the Heavens you did come, down to me... By the power of the gods, you are a gem to me..." as Alexander listened, Hephaestion paused, and then began again, and Alexander realized this verse wasn't the lullaby at all, but Hephaestion's own words. Upon this realization, Alexander sank to the floor with his back to the wall near the door and sobbed, feeling helpless to help the one he loved the most.

"You came in my time of need... My waking from this nightmare, my rebirth after my death..." Hephaestion quieted, crying silently as he rocked his babe to sleep in his arms, feeling helpless but hopeful for the future.

**Translations:**

**Mégas Aléxandros = Great Alexander (Greek)**

**I used Google Translate, so I am sorry if the translations are wrong.**


	19. Chapter 19

It was very, very early the next morning that Hephaestion started to toss and turn, calling out in the midst of a nightmare. Alexander, who was still awake after not going to sleep at all, as he was haunted by the realization that he had made earlier the day before, was quick to take him in his arms from behind. This caused Hephaestion to bolt upright in bed, cold sweat making his hair stick to his brow.

He tried to push his lover off of himself, but Alexander simply scooted a few inches away, settled on his side, and began to card his fingers gently through his lover's hair.

"Shh, Phai Love, it was only a dream... I'm here..." he soothed, moving closer to briefly kiss Hephaestion's bare shoulder before getting comfortable on his side again.

"He was there... and then he was on me and I couldn't-" he gave a dry sob, hiding his face in his hands. Alexander could only rub his back and whisper, "I'm here, I'm here..." at intervals. Hephaestion lifted his head after some time and his cheeks were wet with tears, "And then the s-scene changed in the dream and I _could not push_. I was alone like I was when Khalis was really born, but I tried for _hours, _days maybe I don't know, but I couldn't do it... And you and Lutfi never showed up, not before, not during, not after- if there was an after... It was horrible!"

Hephaestion collapsed back onto the bed, curling up in Alexander's arms, finally allowing the man to properly hold him for the first time in months.

"I've got you. It was just a dream."

"I'm scared, Xander..." Hephaestion's eyes were now dry, but he stared out at nothing, "I'm scared this is never going to stop being a living nightmare..."

"You just need to give yourself time to heal-"

"It's been months!"

"Listen to me, Phaistion," Alexander was calm, "You have healed physically, I understand that. However, the emotional wounds are still raw. You have just begun to deal with them in fact. But I will help you through it, I swear."

"I just want to go back to the way it was, when I felt strong..." Hephaestion laid his head on Alexander's chest, whimpering.

"Hush," Alexander pet his hair, "You are strong. You carried Khalis in a world you did not understand, and then birthed him, alone, into that same world that had so badly wronged you. You are strong."

"Physcially-"

"Not just physcially, but mentally too. You became friends with a man who was closely linked to this world that you didn't know. That takes courage, Phai. And then you dealt with me when I fought you because I did not understand, and you helped me learn about this world that you hadn't even begun to comprehend yet. I am so very proud of you, Love."

Hephaestion had gone quiet, listening to Alexander's speech, but now spoke up, "Xander?" Alexander hummed in recognition, kissing Hephaestion's crown before looking down at the man in his arms, "Will you be there? Next time, I mean. When I give birth. I don't want to do it alone."

"You'll never be alone again, Love, that I promise you."


	20. Chapter 20

A few hours after Hephaestion's rude awakening, Khalis wailed from the nursery. Hephaestion, having fallen back asleep while curled against Alexander, who was currently threading his fingers soothingly through his companion's long hair, awoke but did not open his eyes.

"I don't want to get up... Can you bring him here, Xander?"

"I was just doing that, Love. Will you be fine alone for a moment?" Alexander shifted his exhausted lover onto his side of the bed, before getting up and going out into the hall. A few short minutes later, he was back, shushing a softly crying boy on his shoulder while rubbing his back, "I changed him, but I think he wants his Mama."

"He doesn't want me, he wants my milk..." Hephaestion groused, then sighed, sitting up, "Give him here..." Khalis exchanged arms, and quieted down instantly as he began to nurse, and Alexander settled back on the bed.

"Of course he wants you, you are his Mama," Alexander leaned in and kissed Hephaestion's neck, smiling into the kiss.

"Stop it," Hephaestion shrugged him off. Alexander sat up, staring at him, "Khal is feeding," he said simply, using the baby boy's nickname.

Alexander knew the real reason for Hephaestion shying away from him, but said nothing. Hephaestion dozed while Khalis was feeding, but woke up when Alexander took him gently away to switch breasts. As soon as Khalis latched on once more, Hephaestion sat up quickly, yelling out in pain.

Khalis began to scream as his meal was taken from him, and Alxander, who had been holding him to Hephaestion's chest, stared at his lover in disbelief.

"It hurts," Hephaestion's hand discreetly covered the breast Khalis had just been feeding from.

Alexander set Khalis between them, giving him his fingers to suck, before gently leaning forward, "Let me see, Phai."

Hephaestion hesitantly lowered his hand, revealing purple and yellow bruises. Alexander gasped slightly and reached out, but Hephaestion hid himself again, "Don't touch..."

Alexander drew his hand back, "I will not touch, I promise. Gods, Love, those look painful. I will make you some ointments tomorrow."

"Can you please do it now? They're sore..."

"Of course Love. Just give me a moment," Alexander got up from the bed and left the room. Alexander quickly made a comfrey oil and poultice taking it back into the bedroom, where Hephaestion was trying to sooth his fussy baby boy, "Rub this oil on now; it will sooth the hurt. The poultice is for when he's not nursing," Hephaestion just gave him a tired smile, and Alexander, understanding his silent plea, reassured him, 'It will get better, Love. Pretty soon, he will be big enough to sleep through the night, and be weaned. It will get better, I promise you."

"I love him because he is my child, but I hate that he cries and wants to nurse all the time. I'm tired, Xander."

"I know you are, Phai, but he needs you right now, and I know you need him. Time will pass more quickly than you will like, and you will learn to deal with this whole issue with Darius, and Khalis will grow to be just like his Mama, strong and proud."

Hephaestion could only give him a tentative smile, not really believing him.


	21. Chapter 21

Hephaestion worried nothing would ever be good again after his assault and Khalis' birth, but it did, just as Alexander said it would. Khalis was now two years old and toilet training, as well as being weaned from nursing.

"Mam, Mam!" the little boy ran into the expansive kitchen, where Hephaestion was doing the dishes from an early lunch. Khalis tugged on Hephaestion's tunic, sucking his free thumb.

"Yes, my angel?" Hephaestion knelt down to his son's level.

"Potty," the boy wriggled.

"Oh! All right then! Good boy telling me," taking his son's hand, Hephaestion walked Khalis to the washroom, helping him to sit down on the toilet.

Khalis shivered and squealed in surprise as he went, Hephaestion holding him steady. As he got him down from the toilet and cleaned him up, Alexander walked in the open door, having to go himself. Khalis ran over to him.

"Papa, I go potty!"

"You did?! Such a good boy!" Alexander praised.

Khalis beamed up at him once more and then ran down the hall to his nursery to play by himself.

Alexander watched him go before turning to Hephaestion.

"He's beautiful, you know," going up behind the man, he wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Don't even think about it, Xander," reading the man's mind, Hephaestion glared at him through the looking glass above the wash basin.

Alexander pulled away, and Hephaestion turned to face him briefly before attempting to move around him.

"Wait a moment," Alexander stopped him by grabbing him gently by the arm, turning around before encasing Hephaestion in his arms again so that they were back to front, "Don't you think Khal deserves a companion to play with?"

"I don't appreciate this game you're playing, Xander."

"It's not a game," Alexander sat down on the toilet, looking up at his miffed lover, "I am being quite serious, Phai. It has been two years."

"Yes, well, it's not been long enough," Hephaestion whispered, his voice strained by unshed tears, "I still have nightmares."

"But just how few and far between have they been?" Alexander tried reason, "You've had ten nightmares in the past year, Phai. You are healing."

"Then why does it still feel so raw?! Why am I crying?" Hephaestion asked, not even bothering to wipe away the tears that fell down his cheeks.

"Because we're talking about it, and you're frightened. I understand that, but you have to realize that I do not intend to harm you in any way. I am not Darius, and I will never use you as he did. I swear it on my own life, Hephaestion."

Hephaestion collapsed into Alexander's lap, sobbing. Despite the discomfort in his bladder and the cramped space of the washroom, Alexander rocked his distraught lover, hoping against hope that someday it would get better, and praying to all the gods he knew to help him know how to make it so.


	22. Chapter 22

Alexander held Hephaestion until his tears slowed. Eventually, Alexander's bladder demanded attention, so he had to let him go, promising him that he would hold him again soon. After he was finished, he followed his upset lover into the sitting room and found him curled up on one of the couches, a hand to his mouth to stifle his cries.

"Hush, Phai Love, it is all right. I have you. Just relax..."

"Mam?" niether of them had realized that Khalis had left his room and come looking for them, only to find his mother crying in his Papa's lap. The boy came closer, and Hephaestion flinched away into Alexander's chest. The boy noticed this and looked up at his Papa with a concerned look on his face.

"Mam is not feeling well today, Khal. What do you need? Papa will get it for you," at this suggestion, Hephaestion gave a low moan of despair, clinging to Alexander's chiton even tighter. Alexander's only response was to rub his lover's back soothingly.

Alexander got up from his seat, shifting Hepheastion so that they were chest-to-chest, and so that Hephaestion's legs were wrapped around his hips and his head was laid on his shoulder.

He then followed his son into the kitchen, fetching the child a bottle of milk. The boy took it, and after kissing his mother's hand that was dangling listlessly at Alexander's side, went back to his room, sucking on the bottle as he walked.

"What would you like, Love?" after he was sure his son was safe and happy, Alexander turned to the distraught man in his arms, "Some rice and milk, perhaps? Yes, I think that is best," he got some already made rice and added just a bit of milk so that it was soaked up by the rice.

He then took Hephaestion back to the chair and sat down, mixing the rice around in the bowl before holding the spoon to his lover's lips. Hephaestion whimpered before taking the spoon into his mouth.

"We have to keep you hydrated, Love," Alexander coaxed when Hephaestion turned away from another spoonful, "And I'm sure you're hungry. Come. Just a few more bites, please?" Hephaestion refused to lift his head from Alexander's shoulder again, instead burying it further and tightening his arms around Alexander's neck, "All right, shh... I know you're not feeling well."

Hephaestion snuffled against his shoulder and neck in answer, his eyes closed. Alexander began to sing a lullaby as he held his love, listening with satisfaction as Hephaestion's breathing evened out.

"Sleep well, my love," he wished as he continued to hum lowly.


	23. Chapter 23

Hephaestion woke up a few minutes later and bolted off of a dozing Alexander's lap to rush to the washroom. Alexander hurried to follow him as soon as he realized Hephaestion was gone. The closer he got to the washroom, which had it's door ajar, the clearer it became that Hephaestion was truly sick.

He found Hephaestion kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet. Hurrying to his side, he helped him sit back on his heels to rest for a moment. As he sat down behind his lover, he realized he was crying and murmuring under his breath.

"No, no, no... Please, Zeus no..."

Alexander opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but did not get the chance as Hephaestion lurched forward as his stomach rebelled with a vengance. Alexander made sure to catch him as his brow came dangerously close to hitting the stone of the seat.

"Calm down, Love, you will cause yourself injury. Lean back against me. There you are," Alexander filled a basin with cool water and with one hand wiped a cloth over Hephaestion's face and mouth and neck, smiling when he sighed in relief and exposed his neck by tilting his head to the side.

Alexander's breath stopped as he took in the beauty of his beloved. Hephaestion, hearing the hitch of his companion's breath, startled and looked about, worried he was alone. Upon seeing Alexander, he smiled softly and touched Alexander's cheek before getting up on unsteady feet and leaving the room dizzily, leaving Alexander to cool his blood and therefore his body.


	24. Chapter 24

Hephaestion staggered to his bed, falling onto it on his stomach. Within moments, he fell into a sleep that even the dead would envy. He dreamed of Alexander, his soft voice saying words of love to him as he smiled, and massaged his naked body.

When he awoke, he found the dream had in fact been real, except that he still wore his chiton.

"There you are," Alexander smiled, "How was your time in Lethe, my Love?" all this was said while Alexander was massaging the back of his thighs. Hephaestion panicked, his muscles tightening in preparation to get away, "Wait, wait, Love, I put a cloth over you to keep your modesty," he mumbled something more under his breath, and Hephaestion twisted around to face him, pushing up on one arm.

"What was that, Xander?"

Alexander jumped a little, then smiled at him, "Nothing, Love. You just rest now," he turned back to Hephaestion's thigh.

Hephaestion murmured, "Nothing, my ass," under his breath as he turned back on his stomach. He didn't see the smirk on Alexander's lips as he laid back down with his folded arms underneath his head.

Alexander began to hum with the intent of keeping his companion calm as he climbed on top of Hephaestion so that his body was flush with his lover's, simply lying down contentedly.

Hephaestion felt panic rise within him and he screamed, unable to think rationally through his fear.

"Phai! Phai, Love, it is only me! Alexander!"

"Get off, get off! Don't hurt me, please!" Hephaestion twisted and turned, frantic in his efforts to get away. Finally, he threw Alexander over the side of the bed, and collapsed on his belly, this time sobbing into the bedclothes.

Alexander got up and approached the bed, his features forlorn at his love's incurable pain. He squatted down, using his arms to support his weight, "Love, look at me," he put his hand over Hephaestion's.

Hephaestion did as he wanted, slowly, his eyes already rimmed in pink from crying. Alexander gently wiped his tears away, causing Hephaestion to close his eyes briefly.

"That's a good boy, hush now," Alexander soothed.

"Xander..." Hephaestion reached for him blindly, and once he found Alexander's hand, crushed his fingers in a tight grip.

Alexander did not even wince at the pressure on his hand, "That's it, Love. I'm here. Just breathe."

Hephaestion bolted up onto his hands and knees, gasping as if a shock had gone through him. Then he curled, giving a short, breathless scream. At Alexander's prompting and with his gentle help, Hephaestion uncurled and Alexander saw the reason for his pain. His bleeding had come without warning and was so strong it had already stained the lower part of his chiton and the bed underneath him.

Speechless in pain and horror, Hephaestion let Alexander lift him from the bed and take him to the washroom, and ready him a bath without letting him go. When he finally undressed him and placed him in warm- almost hot- water, the clean water immediately turned a light pink.

Then Hephaestion gasped, and Alexander turned to him, concerned, "I can't.. b-breathe..."

Thinking quickly, Alexander gently bent his lover forward, whispering words of reassurance while doing so, and, undressing, climbed in behind him, ignoring the state of the water as he helped Hephaestion open his body instead of letting him curl into his body in pain. He laid Hephaestion's head on his chest and allowed him to spread his legs and arms out in the large bathtub.

Hephaestion took a large gasping breath, just as Alexander knew he would.

"There you go. I'm here. You're safe. It is only a strong bleed this month. Your stress is only affecting your body normal patterns. Nothing will happen to you."

Once Hephaestion was clean and relaxed, Alexander refilled the tub, sitting nude on the outside of it while Hephaestion rested. As he had been refilling it, Hephaestion had shut his eyes. Sitting at the edge of the tub, Alexander touched his true love's famous thigh, causing his shockingly blue eyes to shoot open in shock.

"It just me, Phai. Sit up," Hephaestion did so, "Look. My hand is connected to my arm, which is connected to my shoulder, and that is is connected to my neck by muscle, see? And my neck is- Phai, look at me. I won't hurt you," Hephaestion had scrunched his eyes shut, imagining Darius' face on this body that was touching him. Hephaestion forced his eyes open and for his head to go upward to follow the trail that had been presented, "There you are. Hello. My neck is connected to my head," Hephaestion looked up into blue-gray and brown eyes that sparkled, "See? It is me touching you. I will not hurt you, ever, all right? I promise."

Hephaestion remained silent, staring into those eyes. Just then, without prompting, his hand moved out of the water and up toward Alexander. It jerked back a few times, but Hephaestion always regained his courage. Soon, his hand was hovering above Alexander's knee, and then he was touching the bare skin.

Alexander had watched this whole process, keeping silent, as he did not want to startle his love and put a halt in the progress he had been making over the last year or so, but he now rested his hand over Hephaestion's, and smiled at him.

Whispering, so as not to scare the man in the tub, he said, "Good boy. That was a very brave thing you just did. I love you," and watched as Hephaestion, now with head down, gave a small smile of his own.

**AN: According to Wikipedia, in Greek mythology, Lethe was one of the rivers of Hades, and was the river of forgetfulness. It flowed around the caves of Hypnos and into Hades. There was also a Greek goddess of the same name. She was the goddess of forgetfulness and oblivion. All of this is why I have Alexander refer to the river when Hephaestion wakes up from his dead-like sleep. Hope you all enjoyed!**


	25. Chapter 25

After Hephaestion touched Alexander intimately on the knee, his progress elevated quickly. Each week, it seemed like he could go just a bit more. Which he did, because every week, when Hephaestion was having a bath, Alexander would accompany him and disrobe, sitting at the edge of the tub. Then by the end of the bath, Hephaestion's hand would crawl just a bit higher on his thigh.

However, once there was no more thigh to touch, Hephaestion's progress that was a year or more in the making halted. Alexander was patient, and said nothing, although it hurt him to see Hephaestion fold in on himself emotionally once more.

But Alexander was hopeful, and often joined Hephaestion in the washroom, nude, letting him get used to having a person around him who could be in any state of dress or undress and have no cruel intentions toward him.

It was succeeding, until one night, after Khalis was asleep, when Alexander walked into the washroom while aroused. Hephaestion stared at him from the bathtub, and Alexander could see that he was shaking slightly. When he sat by the tub in his normal place, Hephaestion flinched.

"Phai, look at me," when the man refused, Alexander took his chin in hand and gently turned Hephaestion's gaze upward, "I will not hurt you, I swear it. My blood just runs hot today, okay? It does not mean that I will touch you, nor does it mean that you have to touch me, all right? You deserve to make your own decisions on your own terms."

Hephaestion only nodded slowly in answer, staring down at the water. But not minutes later, a curious hand lifted out of the water and inched it's way over to Alexander.

Alexander took the questing fingers gently in his own, "Phai, are you sure? Look at me," Hephaestion silently raised his head, meeting his lover's gaze, "Are you sure? You don't have to do this. I won't force you."

Hephaestion was quiet a moment before answering in the quietest of whispers, "I'm sure..." and then his voice gained strength, spurred by desperation and impending tears, "I need to touch you, Alexander. I need to know that you're here, and that you still love me-"

"With or without touch," Alexander interrupted soothingly, lifting Hephaestion out of the water and onto his own lap, which momentarily caused the man to tense in fright before he took a breath and forced himself to relax before opening his eyes to look directly into Alexander's as the blond man continued, "With or without touch, I will _always _love you. Now, I am going to ask you this one more time just to make sure you want this; are you sure?"

"Yes."

Alexander smiled, "Fine. How will you be comfortable?"

Hephaestion knew that he meant to ask how far he could go, and so answered meekly, "I can touch you. I think..." he was hesitant.

"You can do whatever you feel most safe with," Alexander's voice was hushed as he gazed at his uncertain lover.

Hephaestion was gazing intently at Alexander's full lips as he talked, taking a moment before voicing his true wish, "I want to kiss you..."

Alexander grinned, "Whatever you wish, my love. Come here."

Very, very slowly, with hesitant pauses on Hephaestion's part, they came together. Hephaestion gave a loud gasp at the contact, his muscles stiffening as he almost pulled away. But then he seemed to realize that it was not Darius he was kissing, but Alexander, and that he was in control.

For this first time in a very long time, they kept the kisses light and close-mouthed. But each man was happy and smiled when they came apart, Hephaestion's shy smile accompanied by a light blush.

After the kiss, Alexander leaned forward until their foreheads were touching.

"I love you," he said, "Are you tired? That took a lot of courage, and I'm sure you're exhausted."

Hephaestion nodded, and then cuddled into Alexander's chest as he was taken to the bedroom and tucked in, mumbling, "I love you," before his eyes closed and he fell into a peaceful sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

Hephaestion felt something cool on his forehead, and stirred. Coming more and more awake, he realized that what he felt on his brow were Alexander's lips. Next, he noticed that it was very dark out.

"Phai, my love, you need to eat. You've been asleep many hours now."

Hephaestion's brows came together in confusion, not fully awake yet. Eat? Eat! The baby needed to eat! He bolted upright in panic.

"The baby! Khal!" Hephaestion jumped out of bed, racing to the nursery, Alexander following.

"Phai, it's okay! It's all-" Hephaestion burst into the room, then stood stock still before quietly going up to the crib and gazing down at his sleeping child. He felt Alexander come up behind him and wrap his arms around his waist.

"I want another one," Hephaestion had such a look of love and adoration on his face as he reached down to caress Khalis' soft cheek with a finger that Alexander was prepared to give him anything in that moment just to see him this happy always.

"We will work on it, Love, I promise. Right now, you need to eat," Alexander started to steer his love back to the bedroom.

Hephaestion stopped him, "I want to feed him."

"He's sleeping, Love. No need to wake him."

Hephaestion turned to Alexander, "When did he last eat?"

"I fed him and put him to bed right after you fell asleep."

"Exactly," Hephaestion turned back to the cradle, placing a large, warm hand on his child's small back and rubbing in gentle circles.

Khalis soon began to fuss, but before he could let out a wail, Hephaestion had him in his arms and was moving toward the rocking chair. In less than a minute, the boy was nursing.

"There you are. Were you hungry? Did you have nice dreams, hm?"

"Phai, he's not a baby. Stop fawning over him."

Hephaestion's eyes flashed with anger as he looked up at Alexander, "Xander, he is only two years old. And he will always be my baby, no matter how old he gets. Right now, I am seriously doubting your ability to have a child of your own to care for."

"I wouldn't have to. I am obviously the man in this relationship."

As Hephaestion's eyes darkened to gray with anger, Alexander realized he had said the wrong thing. But Hephaestion had turned back to the child in his arms before he could apologize, and Alexander blanched as he realized just how quiet Hephaestion was being.

He was in for it now.


	27. Chapter 27

They were now in their bedroom.

"YOU ASS!" Alexander was just shut the door behind them as Hephaestion, who had entered before him, straight-faced and ignoring him, whirled on him and threw a glass that he had picked up from the table at him. Alexander ducked the glass and it hit the now closed door as Alexander attempted to reach his furious lover.

"Phai, I know what I said was out of line, and I'm sorry-"

"Oh, you're sorry? Okay, I forgive you. NOT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! OH GODS, I WANT TO JUST KILL YOU! I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD! I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT I COULDN'T HELP BEING THE WAY I AM, AND I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT KHALIS IS A BLESSING, AND THAT I THOUGHT NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU, WOULD WANT TO HAVE ME BECAUSE OF MY DEFORMITY! AND THEN YOU SAY THAT AND I- I JUST WANT TO KILL YOU!" Hephaestion moved to straggle him, sadness and anger blinding him.

"Phai, Hephaestion, calm..."

"I AM CALM!"

"No-"

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I AM AND AM NOT! OUT!"

"No, we are going to talk-"

"OUT NOW! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!"

"NO! YOU WANT TO SCREAM AT ME, GO AHEAD, BUT WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS, HEPHAESTION AMYNTOROS!"

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I AM A CHILD!"

"THEN STOP ACTING LIKE ONE! I APOLOGIZED, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?"

Hephaestion gasped in air, and when he finally spoke again, his voice was hoarse with emotion and from the effort of screaming, "No, Alexandros, it is not. And do you know why? Because you're the one who is supposed to understand. You're supposed to understand my deformity, and you're supposed to understand why Khalis is here with us now. But you couldn't even do that, could you? I had to _force_ it on you, and you know how much I hate doing that. Do you know how hard that was for me, to see you push me away for something you knew deep in your heart that I couldn't help? I love you Alexander. I always have, and I always will. But sometimes-"

"I can be a horse's ass, I know. I'm sorry, Phai..." Alexander hung his head in shame.

"I'm sorry too. I love you, Mégas Aléxandros."

"And I you, Hephaestion Amytoros."

This said, they came together for a kiss. Then Alexander suggested something in a whisper. Hephaestion body began to shake from fear and anxiety, but Alexander reassured him that he would be with him, and that he, Hephaestion, would have full control. After a few minutes, Hephaestion consented, and then they fell into each other's arms for the first time in what felt like forever.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: I am so sorry for the wait! College got in the way of all of this! But I'm back!**

Three weeks after that night they had shared, Alexander noticed that Hephaestion had become uncharacteristically quiet. He had always been a quiet man, but he was even more so now.

Alexander could not get his beloved to talk to him at all, let alone tell him what was wrong. Hephaestion no longer cared for Khalis as he had been, but all but ignored him. He was also becoming forgetful about the simplest of tasks. One night, after Khalis was asleep Alexander became aware of this. They had stayed up late, just being together and sharing a few bowls of oranges. Hephaestion had gotten up to clean the empty, sticky bowls, and then turned away while the water was going into the basin, and it had overflowed onto the floor.

After this incident, Alexander still had no idea what could be wrong, but watched his love closely. One afternoon he arrived home from the village fields and had to change his dusty, dirty clothes. As he walked through the palace to the bedroom, he spied Hephaestion spitting into the kitchen washbasin and then washing out his mouth. Concerned, he went into the kitchen, only to have the rancid smell of vomit hit him like a wall.

"Phai Love, are you sick?" he inquired.

"I'm fine, Alexander. I just had too much for break-" and he was bent over the basin once more.

"You are not fine, you are ill," Alexander came close, concern etched on his features.

"I'm fi-" Hephaestion tried to move away, but stumbled and clutched at his forehead as a dizzy spell overtook him.

"Love!" Alexander was quick to catch him, "Are you sure you're not ill? Come sit, eat something. How about some bread and honey?"

At the mention of honey, Hephaestion felt bile rise once more in his throat and rushed to the basin yet again.

"I'm... fine-" Hephaestion insisted as Alexander stared at him in shock.

"Hephaestion Amyntoros, you are lying to me," Alexander's hands went on his hips.

"I am not!" Hephaestion was adamant, but Alexander could tell by the way that his voice cracked that his walls were starting to fall; his interrogation was getting to him.

"Phai, my love, my beauty, whatever is so bad that you can not tell me? You can tell me anything. Did you break something?" Hephaestion shook his head as he stared at the floor, silent, "Did you lose something?" another shake, "Did you sleep with another man?"

Hephaestion jerked his head up, horrified, "What? No! Never!"

"Then what _is _it, Phai? Something is wrong, I can tell. And even if you don't tell me, I will find out soon enough," he made the threat.

"Alexander! Fine, you want to know? I'm pregnant!" in tears, Hephaestion stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door to their bedroom.

Stunned for a moment, Alexander shook himself and followed quickly, knocking quietly on the closed door.

"Hephaestion," he called, ear to the wood.

"Go away!" an answer came in the form of a choked sob.

"No. Open the door. Please, I want to talk."

"No, go away!"

"Love, please. This is important, and we need to talk about it."

Suddenly the door flew open and Alexander fell onto the floor, half inside and half outside of the room.

"Talk, or I swear, I will make certain you will no longer be a man," Hephaestion glared down at him as he held the door open.

"Love," Alexander picked himself up, "We're having a baby?" his eyes glistened with joy and hope.

Seeing this, Hephaestion deflated, and gave his true love a small smile, "Yes, Alexander, we're having a baby."

Hephaestion could only watch as a grin split Alexander's face, reaching past his ears. Suddenly, Alexander jumped into the air, letting out a whoop. He then took Hephaestion into his arms and danced him around the room, laughing happily as they fell back onto the bed.

"HEPHAESTION AMYNTOROS, I LOVE YOU!" he shouted, so loudly in fact that Hephaestion was sure the entire Persian empire could hear him.

"Shh, Dearest," Hephaestion hushed him, reaching up to pet his golden hair soothingly.

Alexander went silent, but Hephaestion could feel him shiver with barely contained excitement. He swooped down to capture Hephaestion's lips in a passionate kiss, all while bunching his chiton above his belly and exploring the still taunt skin and hard muscle with sensitive fingers.

They broke apart, panting. All of a sudden, Hephaestion began to sob. Alexander pulled back, not expecting this. After his uncertainty faded and he saw Hephaestion reaching for him in a silent plea to be comforted, however, he gave Hephaestion a soft kiss and took him in his arms, lying down so that Hephaestion could rest his head on his chest.

"What is it, Love?" he whispered into his long hair, nuzzling his crown, "Are you scared?" Hephaestion gave a weak nod, unable to say anything through his tears, "You will be fine, I promise. Nothing will happen to you. You will endure labor and birth beautifully, and you will live to meet and raise our child. I promise you that. Shh," Alexander had taken to rocking him slightly, It's okay, it's okay. Just relax, don't worry, I'm here."

Soon, Hephaestion fell into an exhausted sleep, still wrapped in his lover's gentle grasp.


	29. Chapter 29

Alexander awoke to find Hephaestion buried into his side. Tear tracks still adorned his cheeks, a reminder of his fright. But he was sleeping peacefully now. Alexander knew that that would not last long, and so tried to get up without disturbing his love.

"Mmm..." came the sigh, and Alexander froze, hoping Hephaestion would simply shift or turn over and go back to sleep, "Xander?"

Nope.

Alexander turned toward the man still in the bed guiltily, "Yes, Phai?" _"Please do not cry, please do not cry-"  
_

"Where are you going? Are you leaving me?" then, before Alexander could say anything, Hephaestion let out a small, sad gasp as his eyes became wet with fresh tears, "You're leaving me!"

_"Damn."_

Alexander was quick to respond to his upset lover, going back to the bedside, "No, no, Love-"

"You are! You're leaving me! Is it because I'm not attractive anymore? This is your baby I'm carrying! And I'm only a few weeks along. Am I already disgusting to you?" tears fell down Hephaestion's cheeks, unheeded.

"No-"

"I am, aren't I?"

"No! Gods Phai, shut up for a minute and let me talk!" Alexander shouted, frustrated.

Dead silence filled the room, and Alexander immediately knew that he had made a mistake. Again. Hephaestion stared at Alexander, trying to hold back the sobs, and the tears that came with those sobs. Finally, the effort became too much, and he began to scream, loud and long.

In response, Khalis, who had been sleeping in his nursery, woke up screaming in fear. Alexander left his lover to sooth and care for his son, bringing him back to their bedroom on his hip, stroking the small back with a soothing hand. When the child was calm Alexander turned back to his one true love.

"Phai, Hephaestion, breathe."

Alexander sat down gently on the bed, beside Hephaestion. He took him into his arms and held him close, pressing an open hand firmly but gently on the small of his back, shushing as a mother might to her babe in his ear.

By this point, the screams had reduced to unchecked sobs. Finally, Hephaestion endeavored to sit up and speak, his whole body shaking.

"I f-feel awful... I n-never cried this m-much with Khal... In f-fact, I n-never did... but I c-can't help it... I don't even know w-why I'm crying... and I'm f-freezing... all the t-time..."

"You're cold? Why didn't you tell me?" Alexander got up from the bed and went to the wooden chest by the bed, pulling out a winter, Persian-style blanket, going back to the bedside and wrapping it lovingly around Hephaestion's shoulders, "Better? Not quite, hm? It's okay," Alexander sat gingerly on the bed once more, taking Hephaestion into his arms again, "I'm sorry," he whispered into the man's long, thick hair, "I didn't mean to upset you."

Hephaestion shook his head, sniffling and wiping away tears with a hand, "Not your fault. I'm so cold..." he shivered more violently.

"How about this: I'll put Khalis down to finish his nap and then I will start a fire and we can lay on the rug together?"

"Sounds good..." Hephaestion gave him a shaky smile.

"All right, you stay right here then. Khal, my sweet boy, you can come with me. Oh, oh yes, shh..." soothing the slightly fussy toddler, Alexander strode from the room.

He was back soon enough, and, without ceremony, scooped Hephaestion up into his arms. Hephaestion squealed at the unexpected action, and then smiled at his lover. With ease Hephaestion didn't think possible when carrying your newly-with-child partner, Alexander walked to the sitting room, and then eased him onto the rug. When he was certain Hephaestion was comfortable besides being unbelievably cold, Alexander turned away and started up the fire.

"There, my Love. It will get warm in here soon, I should think," Alexander settled himself on the rug, taking Hephaestion onto his lap with a small kiss on the cheek.

Hephaestion shivered one last time as a small smile crept onto his face. He stared into the fire, the tracks of his tears drying on his cheeks.


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Yay, chapter 30! Hope you all enjoy!**

Alexander sat on the rug, Hephaestion's head in his lap, his fingers carding gently through his lover's long hair as he slept peacefully. Suddenly, Hephaestion jerked awake, panting. Instinctively, Alexander tensed and took Hephaestion in his arms, keeping his grip firm while Hephaestion started to panic.

"Alex- Alexander!" Hephaestion called, blind in his fear.

"Hush, my love, I have you..." Alexander reached up to gently sweep hair out of his stunning eyes, keeping one arm wrapped loosely around Hephaestion's middle, "No need to fear. Did you have a dream? Does something ache?"

"M-my back..." Hephaestion panted, reaching a hand behind himself to show his love where the pain was.

"Relax..." even as he whispered in his lover's ear, Alexander reached between their bodies and began to rub circles on Hephaestion's lower back to ease the pain.

Hephaestion laid his head back onto Alexander's shoulder. Alexander nuzzled against his neck and kissed the steady pulse that was just underneath the pale, smooth skin. After a few minutes, Hephaestion raised his head, sighing hopelessly.

"It's not helping."

Alexander stopped in his ministrations momentarily, stunned. Usually, Hephaestion went loose under his touch, whether it was from just a simple massage to end a hard day, or if it was from Alexander's playful touches that always preluded their sessions of lovemaking. After a few moments of silence, he nodded and very, _very_ gently pushed Hephaestion away, only to stand up and reach down to his pregnant lover as that lover stared up at him in confusion and disbelief.

"Come Phai," he coaxed with a slight smile, beckoning with his outstretched hands, "You are uncomfortable, yes? As the mother of my child, that is incredibly unacceptable. Stand with me for a while. Your back will feel better, hopefully."

Hephaestion now took the outstretched hands willingly. With careful guidance, Alexander eased Hephaestion onto his already slightly swollen ankles. Hephaestion suddenly swayed slightly, dizzy.

"I have to get down," he said, looking at the floor longingly.

Alexander's brow crinkled in confusion, "What? Love-"

"Xander, help me down," Hephaestion didn't look directly at him, but as he turned to him, Alexander saw that he looked a little peaked.

"Okay, all right," Alexander quickly did as asked, and Hephaestion got onto all fours, fighting a strong, unexpected bout of nausea, "Do you need anything?" he stood above him, hands clasped together worriedly.

"Chamber pot..." Hephaestion demanded, before a small, wet burp escaped his mouth, "Hurry!"

Alexander took off, taking the newly washed chamber pot from the kitchen basin and rushed back to his lover's side, kneeling down and dutifully holding his long hair with one hand and rubbing relaxing circles on his back with the other as Hephaestion vomited violently into the bowl.

"Better?" when the nausea receded for the time being.

"No..." came the whimper.

Alexander gathered Hephaestion to his chest as the latter began to cry yet again, feeling sick and helpless.

"Shh..." Alexander soothed, ignoring the rancid smell of Hephaestion's hot breath as his head rested in the crook of his neck, "It will get better, I promise."

"No..." Hephaestion shook his head, his voice a weak sob, "It won't. It got worse with Khal..." his body shuddered, and Alexander knew Hephaestion was no longer talking about the sickness.

"Hush..." Alexander rocked slightly, "Darius is no more. There is no possible way he can hurt you now. I swear."

"I thought I was getting better..." Hephaestion sobbed, "I feel so weak..."

"I know. It's all right. Shh..." Alexander reassured in a voice just loud enough for Hephaestion to hear, "It's all right, it's alright..." he repeated, "I've got you. Go on and have a good cry. It's all right. Shh..."

They stayed like that for awhile, until Hephaestion's quiet sobs exhausted him and Alexander's hushed words drew him into a fitful sleep.


End file.
